Savages is savagely stupid

This film looked like it had some potential. At least going by the grating Nokia Lumia infomercial chatter introduced by Andrew Gunsberg. Oliver Stone no less. John Travolta no less. Benicio Del Toro no less. Lets talk all about the characters and what Oliver was like on set, and how John doesn’t think much of gratuitous violence and how the female characters are liberated and so strong, blah, blah, blah.

Well it was a lot, lot, lot less. In fact probably one of the weakest and most irritating films I’ve seen in some time. It is in fact irritating and annoying to even write a review for this film but I believe I owe it to that portion of humanity that would consider watching this film only to change their minds on account of what I’m about to say. Yes – all two of you.


Savages revolves around three young American go-getters who between them have combat experience in Afganistan, have helped African children get access to clean water, have attended community college, have threesomes together in an open and oh so spiritual sexual arrangement have built the largest drug growing and dealing operation in the U.S. and have a double Major in Botany and Business Administration. A double Major in Bullshit is the only thing I saw.

But…the whole drug thing was only marijuana and clearly their primary customers were all cancer patients. Their distributors were all organic farming types and all proceeds went to the African children’s charity.

For Fuck Sake. Buddhists and Navy Seals don’t mix.

And I’m probably just 10 minutes in. Oh and all of their friends happened to be self-proclaimed experts in one thing or another all introduced in skull-splitting detail at great fawning length by a voice-over that never seemed to stop. So 15 minutes in and I’m regretting this big time. In fact this saccharine monstrosity has so offended the peace-loving Mexican drug cartels that they decide to come north and insist that the bullshit ends and the drug business is done their way. Otherwise everyone is going to get a bad name.

The Mexicans even went to the trouble of producing a home video to demonstrate what happens to those that don’t want to conform with their business model. Surely this would be a good time for our three heros to pack it in, have a rest for a year and then audition for the next season of Jersey Shore – if they felt up to it?

Unfortunately no. They decide to negotiate with the Mexicans and then of course someone gets kidnapped and the real world intrudes.

I found the three leads and their dialog so implausible, so irritating and so infantile that I was rooting for the Mexican psychopath determined to kill them. Yes you want the bad guys to win.

Oliver Stone did this? The only thing I can think is he lent his name to this and outsourced the work to someone else.

Three out of ten.

And that is for Benicio Del Toro alone.

None out of ten for the others

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Categories: Action, Films

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5 replies

  1. Haha, great review even though I enjoyed this way more than you did (finally saw it at of last week). I thought it was way over the top and understand what you are saying. The thing which I really didn’t like was the two endings.

    • Thanks ! 🙂

      That’s right – I forgot about the two endings! Didn’t make a great deal of sense to me – I don’t think it helped the cause at all. I can remember being irritated that the special forces guys seemed to be such poor marksmen 🙂

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  1. Review: Savages « So…Nitemice
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