The Sweeney. Best of British Bullshit

I go and play laser tag with my teenage sons and their friends sometimes. I have a lot of fun, I think I look like a teenager, but I don’t.

I look like an overweight bald man playing games. I can’t run as fast, hide as well, or shoot as quickly*. I bring little to the exercise apart from being a target. Of lasers and ridicule.

And so it is with Ray Winstone in The Sweeney.

'ere - let me rest for a minute against this motor

‘ere – let me rest for a minute against this motor

Ray stars as Jack Regan, the aging head of The Flying Squad. The squad is brutal and effective. Its methods frowned upon by various layers of superiors (Frank Haskins) and internal affairs chief Ivan Lewis.

Listen 'ere guvnor - I find your lack of faith very disturbin'

Listen ‘ere guvnor – I find your lack of faith very disturbin’

Regan and his young acolytes are addicted to the rush of being bad, in order to be good.  Of course working intimately with your colleagues in dangerous situations at all hours of the day and night is bound the generate some heat of the sexual variety if circumstances permit.

It so happens that one of Regan’s officers is the voluptuous, attractive and youthful Nancy (Hayley Atwell).

It so happens that Agin’ Regan is having a torrid love affair with Nancy.

It so happens that Nancy is the the wife of internal affairs chief Lewis.

It so happens that Lewis is determined to bring Regan and the Flying Squad down

It so happens to be the biggest load of bullshit I’ve seen since “Savages“.

If you are a fat, ugly man, with a borderline speech impediment in your 60's call me now...

If you are a fat, ugly man, with a borderline speech impediment in your 60’s call me now…

This is about 7 minutes in and this is exactly where The Sweeney lost me. Without this crap I may have had a fighting chance of enjoying the film in a non-ironic manner. So I spent the remaining 105 minutes finding fault and so I won’t bore you. Well, yes I will.

Why does The Sweeney go after criminals who are armed with assault rifles using just baseball bats, pick handles and small handguns? Time and again.

Why does Regan and the remainder of the Sweeney miss obvious and vital clues until several days later? Time and again.

Why does Regan hide behind the flimsiest of cover and never get shot? Time and again.

Why does the music sound like something from Transformers? Time and again.

Having just been a real killjoy I’d still recommend you see this film. Some action sequences are good and the film is unintentionally funny. I love British accents and got my fix here.

4 out of 10 for the accents

* I’m actually pretty good at Laser Tag. Substituting strategy and cunning for speed and skill. Looking like a clown but feeling like a kid.

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Categories: Action, Films

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4 replies

  1. It so happens some women like fat little bald men…great read by the way.

  2. Great review of a terrible film,love the insight into your reflection while playing laser quest,I can relate,very funny.

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